I read this blog post the other day and realized that just like this father was someday going to have to sit his son down and have a conversation, I would have to do the same with my daughter. While his conversation is about how a man should see a woman, mine is going to be about how a woman should expect to be treated. My entire life I have seen women treated badly by the men in their lives and I think a lot of it is because those woman never realized they didn't have to accept it. I know I can't pick my daughters romantic partners, but what I can do is make sure she knows what is acceptable and what is not. I can't tell the future but I hope the conversation goes something like this...
There are a lot of people out there who will tell you that your only value in the world is how pretty you are. There are a lot of boys who will try to convince you that you love them you have to have sex with you. There are people who will tell you that you have to dress and act a certain way just because your a girl and they will tell you that you should be scared and timid because the world is a big bad place. All of this is complete bullshit.
Being pretty isn't all you have to offer in this world. You have a beautiful mind, a wonderful personality, and a good heart. Those are much more important than if you look good in a size six dress and have nice hair. Being pretty doesn't make you a good person or any better than anyone else, your actions decide that. Just because another girl is prettier than you does not ever mean she is worth more than you and anyone who tells you differently or makes you feel that way is wrong.
Any boy who tells you that you have to have sex to show him you love him is a lying asshole. No one should ever be expected to have sex to show love no matter how long they have been together. Sex is a special gift between two people and should always be treated with respect. Not only should sex be treated with respect, but you should be treated with respect. You should dump any boy who insists you let them touch you because they are your boyfriend or tells you that you have to kiss them.
No one should ever tell you how you can or can't dress, that is for you to decide. I let you dress yourself every morning and even if sometimes I question your fashion sense, I would never expect you to dress up for me. If I don't expect you to dress a certain way then no one should expect you to dress a certain way. You don't have to dress to get a boys attention because any boy who is worth knowing will be trying to get yours instead. You don't have to be ashamed of your body or hide it from people out of fear of judgement or unwanted attention. If anyone judges you or any boy gives you attention that you don't want, they are wrong, not you.
Don't ever buy into the stupid idea the world is filled with evil and danger and that because you are a girl you should be even more scared of it. Does the world have bad in it? Yes, but it also has good and beauty as well and being scared means you won't ever see it. If some boy says you need a man to protect you, ignore him and try to forgive him for his backwards way of thinking. I have raised you to stand up for yourself because I know that you are strong and brave and I know you don't need a man to fight for you. People will tell you that girls shouldn't fight or should be timid and quiet, and I am telling you right now they are full of crap. You have a right to stand up for yourself period regardless of your gender, anyone who says different is afraid of the strength you possess.
You are a strong and amazing person and you should always be treated that way by everyone you know. There will be times people will try to tell you differently and try to drag you down. They will try to tell you that because you are a girl you have to be meek and timid. They will try to tell you the only value you have is being pretty and will try to tell you to be ashamed of being a woman. They will try to insist you are weaker and less capable than a man. Men will try to tell you that you have to let them touch you or have sex with you if you love them. Don't buy a single bit of this horse crap they want to sell you because they are wrong plain and simple.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
10 Things to Do With Your Children Instead of Watch TV
I think everyone has seen it at one time or another. You walk through the door and you see your entire family sitting in front of the TV staring blankly at the screen. While there really isn't anything wrong with this, you really can't help but wonder if it is the best use of your families time. I know there are good excuses for TV. You had a long day, you worked really hard, your not feeling inspired and more. However, while your creating these excuses for making it okay to watch TV, how about considering the idea of doing something together as a family?
When asked why they don't do more with their family a lot of people answer "Because I can't think of anything to do." That is why I have put together this list. Next time you come home and you find everyone watching TV, give some thought to any of these fine activities.
10: Take A Nap
It is no secret that most American children and adults are sleep deprived. One of the top reasons for this sleep deprivation is television. Not only do people watch TV when they could be sleeping, but television also causes an increase in brain waves that make sleeping more difficult. While a lot of people don't think about it, one thing is for sure, nothing beats a snuggle pile with your children no matter how old they are.
9: Make Something to Eat
There is an obesity epidemic in our country and one of the main causes is poor diet. One of the top reasons most people give for their poor diet is not having enough time to make a proper meal. Instead of simply pulling out the latest frozen meal, you might want to consider getting the kids together and actually making a home cooked meal. Not only will it be a way for your family to eat healthier, its a great way to spend time together as a family and teach your kids how to cook.
8: Read A Book
If your feeling lazy, it's a natural habit to turn on the television and veg out. However, next time your feeling lazy instead of turning on the TV how about you make everyone find a book and spend an hour or two reading? If your really daring you can actually all read the same book and let everyone take a turn reading a page. This not only works as a great way to spend time together, but makes sure you encourage your children to keep their reading skills sharp.
7: Make up A story
Everyone knows that kids have great imaginations and they love stories. Next time you find everyone sitting on the couch becoming zombies why don't you turn off the TV and then have your kids tell you a story. You can have them work together to tell you a story, or let them each take a turn telling a story that you start. While these stories may not have the polish of the TV, they are a lot more fun and give your family a chance to grow closer together.
6: Play A Game
A lot of people seem to forget that TV is actually a relatively new invention in human history. This of course begs the question of what people did before TV was invented. Believe it or not, a lot of families would play some kind of game together. Whether it was a game of cards, a board game, or some kind of sport, most families spent a lot of time playing together. Next time your tired of seeing your children stare at the television with glazed eyes, turn the thing off and go play a game.
5: Go For A Walk
Another leading cause of the obesity epidemic in our country is a lack of exercise. While TV may not be responsible for people not getting enough exercise, it is not helping either. Whether you do it once a week or every single day, pick an hour of the day, turn off the television and go for a walk with your family. Taking a walk is not just about getting exercise, it's about taking time to connect with each other.
4: Talk About Your Day
It may not seem like it sometimes, but kids actually love hearing about the lives of their parents. Every time I tell my kids about my day, what I am doing, or something I learned, they pester me with questions. While this may not seem like a good thing, it is. By taking time to tell your kids about your day, you are showing them how you handle being an adult and lets them know you care about their place in your world.
3: Call A Friend of Family Member
In the hurry up and wait world of today it can often feel like we are loosing touch with the people we care about. Instead of watching the pretend lives of other people on TV, why not reach out and say hi to real people with real lives. Maybe you have a parent you haven't said hi to in a while, or maybe the kids miss some friends from back home. By taking time to talk to friends and family on the phone you remind yourself and your children that people are still important even if they don't look like the ones on TV.
2: Help Them With Homework
We supposedly place a high priority on education, but how often have you actually helped your kids with their homework? Right now public education is having a harder and harder time meeting the needs of students. We have gone from being one of the most educated nations in the world to falling behind some third world nations in reading, mathematics and science. Your kids will not only benefit scholastically from your help, but will also see that you truly do care about their education.
1: Ask Them About Their Day
As adults we have a tendency to trivialize the stresses that our children go through each day. While there isn't any doubt that being a parent is a tough job, try to remember what life was like as a kid. While it may seem to the world that children have no responsibility, they often carry a lot of weight on their shoulders as they try to deal with the stresses of life. Believe it or not, even your surly teenager will be happy when you ask them about their day. They may not tell you all their secrets, but they will know you care and that counts for a lot.
In the end, finding something to do with your kids isn't all that hard. What is hard is slowing yourself down enough to think about doing it. Maybe you need to set an alarm on your cell phone, or maybe you need to write a post it on your computer, but chances are that if you make it a priority, you can easily find something to do with your kids.
When asked why they don't do more with their family a lot of people answer "Because I can't think of anything to do." That is why I have put together this list. Next time you come home and you find everyone watching TV, give some thought to any of these fine activities.
10: Take A Nap
It is no secret that most American children and adults are sleep deprived. One of the top reasons for this sleep deprivation is television. Not only do people watch TV when they could be sleeping, but television also causes an increase in brain waves that make sleeping more difficult. While a lot of people don't think about it, one thing is for sure, nothing beats a snuggle pile with your children no matter how old they are.
9: Make Something to Eat
There is an obesity epidemic in our country and one of the main causes is poor diet. One of the top reasons most people give for their poor diet is not having enough time to make a proper meal. Instead of simply pulling out the latest frozen meal, you might want to consider getting the kids together and actually making a home cooked meal. Not only will it be a way for your family to eat healthier, its a great way to spend time together as a family and teach your kids how to cook.
8: Read A Book
If your feeling lazy, it's a natural habit to turn on the television and veg out. However, next time your feeling lazy instead of turning on the TV how about you make everyone find a book and spend an hour or two reading? If your really daring you can actually all read the same book and let everyone take a turn reading a page. This not only works as a great way to spend time together, but makes sure you encourage your children to keep their reading skills sharp.
7: Make up A story
Everyone knows that kids have great imaginations and they love stories. Next time you find everyone sitting on the couch becoming zombies why don't you turn off the TV and then have your kids tell you a story. You can have them work together to tell you a story, or let them each take a turn telling a story that you start. While these stories may not have the polish of the TV, they are a lot more fun and give your family a chance to grow closer together.
6: Play A Game
A lot of people seem to forget that TV is actually a relatively new invention in human history. This of course begs the question of what people did before TV was invented. Believe it or not, a lot of families would play some kind of game together. Whether it was a game of cards, a board game, or some kind of sport, most families spent a lot of time playing together. Next time your tired of seeing your children stare at the television with glazed eyes, turn the thing off and go play a game.
5: Go For A Walk
Another leading cause of the obesity epidemic in our country is a lack of exercise. While TV may not be responsible for people not getting enough exercise, it is not helping either. Whether you do it once a week or every single day, pick an hour of the day, turn off the television and go for a walk with your family. Taking a walk is not just about getting exercise, it's about taking time to connect with each other.
4: Talk About Your Day
It may not seem like it sometimes, but kids actually love hearing about the lives of their parents. Every time I tell my kids about my day, what I am doing, or something I learned, they pester me with questions. While this may not seem like a good thing, it is. By taking time to tell your kids about your day, you are showing them how you handle being an adult and lets them know you care about their place in your world.
3: Call A Friend of Family Member
In the hurry up and wait world of today it can often feel like we are loosing touch with the people we care about. Instead of watching the pretend lives of other people on TV, why not reach out and say hi to real people with real lives. Maybe you have a parent you haven't said hi to in a while, or maybe the kids miss some friends from back home. By taking time to talk to friends and family on the phone you remind yourself and your children that people are still important even if they don't look like the ones on TV.
2: Help Them With Homework
We supposedly place a high priority on education, but how often have you actually helped your kids with their homework? Right now public education is having a harder and harder time meeting the needs of students. We have gone from being one of the most educated nations in the world to falling behind some third world nations in reading, mathematics and science. Your kids will not only benefit scholastically from your help, but will also see that you truly do care about their education.
1: Ask Them About Their Day
As adults we have a tendency to trivialize the stresses that our children go through each day. While there isn't any doubt that being a parent is a tough job, try to remember what life was like as a kid. While it may seem to the world that children have no responsibility, they often carry a lot of weight on their shoulders as they try to deal with the stresses of life. Believe it or not, even your surly teenager will be happy when you ask them about their day. They may not tell you all their secrets, but they will know you care and that counts for a lot.
In the end, finding something to do with your kids isn't all that hard. What is hard is slowing yourself down enough to think about doing it. Maybe you need to set an alarm on your cell phone, or maybe you need to write a post it on your computer, but chances are that if you make it a priority, you can easily find something to do with your kids.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
A changing culture...
I have been a stay at home father for over ten years. During those ten years I have had a lot of opportunity to give some thought to many aspects of not only fatherhood, but of how a family works, and even a bit on the subject of motherhood. Over time I have had to deal with other people's prejudice, fight against my own personality, and in may ways, change my entire world view. I have gone through all of this for one simple reason, I feel that fatherhood is a severely under represented and appreciated aspect to our society. While we heap accolades upon Mothers (and they deserve every bit of it) Father's get lost in the mix and this has harmed us more than I think anyone has taken the time to realize.
Father's play an important role in the development of children. If you don't believe this is true, look at the statistics for children who were raised without a father present. These statistics reflect that children without fathers are much more likely to become career criminals, seldom achieve a college degree, and earn less money than those who had a father in their life. This isn't something I make up to justify my decision, this is fact and it has been ignored for far to long.
The purpose of this blog is to combat the prejudice against father's who stay at home, find and report on information for all fathers, and to hopefully eventually act as a place father's can come to learn and share with one another. I realize that I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I feel I am ready for this and look forward to building this blog into a real tool for fatherhood.
Father's play an important role in the development of children. If you don't believe this is true, look at the statistics for children who were raised without a father present. These statistics reflect that children without fathers are much more likely to become career criminals, seldom achieve a college degree, and earn less money than those who had a father in their life. This isn't something I make up to justify my decision, this is fact and it has been ignored for far to long.
The purpose of this blog is to combat the prejudice against father's who stay at home, find and report on information for all fathers, and to hopefully eventually act as a place father's can come to learn and share with one another. I realize that I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I feel I am ready for this and look forward to building this blog into a real tool for fatherhood.
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